Today is the memorial service for my mom. The funeral home actually recommends not having family members speak, which made me very relieved. I know with my anxiety I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
But I do want to share some thoughts about my mom. I know most people think they have the best mom, but I think my mom really should get an award for being the best mom out there. As a mother now, I often think back to how my life was growing up, and I wish I could be more like her. I don’t think there ever was a day that my mom would say no to me if I wanted her to play with me for hours (all too often I’m telling my own kids not now, I’m busy). If I wanted to go somewhere, she would usually drop what she was doing to take me there. Whatever I wanted to eat she would make for me. I thought everyone grew up having huge meals every night including homemade desserts. If I needed a costume for school or Halloween, my mom sewed it herself. When I was in probably fourth or fifth grade, I wanted to have a troll theme birthday. She spent days making a paper mache troll that would now come up to at least my waist, just so it could greet my friends on the front porch as they entered the house. My mom was the quintessential example of what a mother should be. She did it all. She was a work-at-home-mom, with putting me, her only child, always first. She did her artwork while I was at school. I was her life. Most people would just see it as me being spoiled, but that’s not it at all. Yes she spoiled me, I’ll be the first to admit it, but she did more than that. She showed me how to be a wonderful mother, probably without even realizing she was doing that (although I still need to work on applying everything she showed me). She showed me it’s okay to treat someone like they are the whole world. What’s wrong with that? I know nobody else will understand me the way she did. She knew my quirks and my flaws more than anyone else, and she understood it. I like to believe that we have a connection that most mothers and daughters don’t have. And I sure am going to miss it. She wasn’t just my mom, but my best friend. I would always call her while I was in the car, or when I was bored… I need to get used to not having someone to call just to hear me talk about nothing. Only a mother will do that! I loved that she always made herself available to me, even as an adult. I could call her at a moment’s notice and suggest we go for a walk, to a movie, shopping, or to lunch, and she would usually be up for it (whatever she was doing could always wait). And now I don’t have her here for any of that. The best thing I can do though is remember her by carrying on her ways of mothering. I need to remember that whatever I am doing can wait, and that my kids should come before anything else I am doing. My mom was like a big security blanket to me. No matter what, everything in the world would be okay with her on my side. Even at 29, things still felt that way. It’s going to be really hard to get used to her not being here.
I found a few pictures to post for now of my mom that capture her in her everyday life. Most of these were from when I was a little girl. More pictures will come later, as I dig deeper in my stuff and her stuff as well.