Picking up the pieces….

How do I pick up the pieces? Where do I start?  I feel like I’m broken…..

The last few days have been terrible and filled with too much suffering.  She was in good spirits last Thursday, even though she was moved to the hospital bed and had the catheter.  By Friday she was much worse and could hardly talk.  Saturday, worse.  By Sunday she could barely respond to anybody.  I slept on the couch by her bed, listening to her breathe, and checking on her constantly throughout the night.  This morning around 9:30 the yelling and crying out started.  “Pain” and “hurt” managed to come out of her mouth as clear as day.  Screaming these words over and over.  “Help me” came out too…. she would look straight into my eyes (her eyes were normally closed at this point) with this horrible look of fear while she begged for my help.  It took Hospice over 2 and a half hours, with about 6 phone calls, to finally get out there (****RIDICULOUS***).  They gave her morphine drops, which calmed her down and eventually put her to sleep.  This was early afternoon, and she never woke up again.  At 7:35 pm she gasped for her last breathe.  I can’t even describe the hurt we’re feeling right now.  Somehow I’ll have to heal, but I have no idea how.



3 thoughts on “Picking up the pieces….

  1. Tanya….

    Oh my dear….I cannot tell you how sorry I am to hear this sad sad news. Your mom is at peace now and I know that is no comfort to you right now, but she no longer is in pain. Bless you and your family as you deal with the reality of the next few days. Your blog took me back to the last 3 days of my moms life. Everything you described was exactly what we went through when we lost our mother. I’m so sorry Wanda was in physical pain during her last hours, there was NO reason for that. None! Again, please take comfort in the fact that your beautiful beautiful mom is at peace now and she has a brand new body with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
    May Peace be with you now and in the future.
    Classmate: Diane Fralish Kelly

    • Thank you Diane. Last Friday I read your post to my mom and she smiled and was able to tell me that she remembered you.

      I know she isn’t suffering anymore, which I am so thankful for. I just need to learn to live my life without her.

  2. To say that your mother has been a most remarkable woman is to state the obvious. I knew her in high school; but she and I did not see each other since graduation. However, through the inter-net we became reacquainted over the last year. After so many years, it became a new joy to learn of the life that she had created for herself and her family. You probably wouldn’t be surprised to know that our conversations were not at all superficial. I really believe, Tanya, that no one else could have done for your mother what you’ve done…especially during these last few days. Your mother’s goodness shows in you. Thanks. I will never, ever forget my friend Wanda.

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